Tuesday, December 8, 2009

My mum is right: Men are pigs

My mum is right: Men are pigs
by Joanne Soh
Tue, Dec 08, 2009
The New Paper

MY mother once offered sage advice: We must always be aware of our husbands’ activities, regardless of how devoted and loving they are.

Her rationale? Men are born with roving eyes, even the good and well brought-up ones.

Recently, my dear mother noted that my husband had been working late for the past few weeks.

Do you know what he’s doing? Does he have a new female colleague, she asked.

Of course, I brushed her motherly concern aside, having full faith in my doting husband. But she is right. Men do have roving eyes.

I know my husband has. We always joke about it.

However, it’s no laughing matter when men, whether married or in a relationship, cross the line.

To me, if you’re committed to someone, stay committed. If you can’t, pack your bags and get out.

So Elin Nordegren, I feel for you.

It’s hard enough to acknowledge that your husband is an adulterer. It’s worse when his affairs make front-page news around the world.

And what did Mr Nice Guy Tiger Woods do?

Offer a public apology. Is that enough? Say sorry and the slate is wiped clean?

David Letterman, Kobe Bryant and even Bill Clinton may get away with it, but in my book, these men should burn forever in eternity.

I guess my mother is right, as always. Men are pigs. What else would you say to a not-so-good-looking guy who cheated on his still-hot-after-two-kids wife?

Seriously, what were you thinking, Tiger?

That Elin’s lost her appeal and charm after childbirth? That she has no time for you now because you have to share her with your 2-year-old daughter and 9-month-old son?

If that’s the case, it’s your fault too.

Do you know the sacrifices women make so that your bloodline can continue? Body, looks, sleep, freedom... to name a few.

It’s not our fault if we may not look our best 24/7. Try waking up in the middle of each night to check on the little ones for starters and tell us you don’t get cranky in the mornings.

Yes, we know you have needs. But are they so pressing you must find joy from (inferior) substitutes?

Come on. What happened to the wedding vows?

What do you men want? Your wives are not tissue paper. Use once and throw away. They are to be treasured, nurtured and pampered. They are not called your better halves for nothing.

So kudos to you, Elin, for pocketing the seven-figure amount to remain Mrs Tiger Woods.

After all, your pre-nuptial agreement requires you to stay married for 10 years if you want to collect your US$20 million ($27m) divorce settlement.

But it’s a smart move to insist on a revision of the agreement that includes more money and a shortened marriage time-frame.

If he can cheat once, what’s stopping him from doing it again?

Nothing. Because men are pigs.

This article was first published in The New Paper.

If men are pigs, what are women?
Wed, Dec 09, 2009
The New Paper


Tsk tsk. If that statement is correct, I guess it is fair to say all women are bitches. Your remark that men who cheat should burn in eternity.... I have two questions.

1) Are you saying women don’t cheat?

2) Did God vacate His judgement seat for you?

Come off your high horse and touch ground for a while. It will be good for your soul and your sole. Life can be tough. Misery is optional.


Your comments are interesting but, unfortunately, a tad sweeping.

Infidelity is not gender-specific. The New Paper quoted investigators and lawyers as saying that the number of women cheating here is rising.

I have friends who were dumped when their wives found more lucrative relationships.

Women generally worship wealth, status, good life and power, and if they cannot attain these on their own steam, they search for these through relationships, legitimate or otherwise. We see this everywhere.

Unfortunately, the Women’s Charter does not give men this advantage. Divorce is a very expensive affair for men.

A friend’s grandmother used to say that women are the source of problems. And coming from a woman, it must mean something.

The fault cannot solely lie with men, notwithstanding the claim that they are born with roving eyes. It will be infantile to correlate roving eyes with infidelity. Women are basically suspicious, accusing and probing, and it is precisely this errant behaviour that has driven some good and well brought-up men to stray.

And there are wives who insist on checking the husbands’ SMSes, incoming phone call numbers, entertainment receipts, and so on. Are they control freaks or just being insecure?

My advice, even to my wife, is that if either party is suspicious, engage the services of a private investigator, so as to confirm the suspicion or have peace of mind. There must be trust and mutual respect in a marriage. I do not believe in pampering or being pampered. We are grown-ups, not babies.

Indeed, women should be wary when their husbands begin to shower them with gifts, flowers and overwhelming attention. Not all men are pigs. And if they are, then all women are bitches.

Having said this, there are enough men out there who treat women as a commodity, to be savaged. These men are not human, they are animals. But if women can control their greed and urge, these men cannot do anything.


If men are pigs.... then who are the asses that married us? The comment is at best a sexist piece. It is extremely judgmental and myopic to say the least.

If a man had cheated once, he is deemed to be an incorrigible individual who will cheat again.... can the reverse also be true?

That a man was good once so he can be good again? Marriage breaks apart for various reasons, the roving eye of a man is obviously one of them, but does that exclude the problems that may have been caused by the woman?

From the article Ms Soh seems to imply that woman can do no wrong, and the woman is the ultimate martyr in a marriage, the only one who suffers and gives the ultimate sacrifice of losing her good looks and appeal.

My wife and I took turns to feed our children when they were infants, and I too, needed to wake up in the middle of the night.

How about the amount of work I put in to nurture my children when they need help in their school work, or in the mornings when I fix their breakfast while my wife is still fast asleep?

Get off the self-righteous high horse and stop blaming only the men in a failed marriage. No, I am not defending men who cheat, I am stating that there is more to the story when infidelity happens, and it’s not always the fault of the men.


What was most offensive, of course, was her declaration – “Men are pigs”. This is unfair, unreasonable, unprofessional, and uncalled- for.

The writer has conveniently forgotten that if men cheat, so do women. Just as there are wives with cheating husbands, there are husbands with cheating wives. Just as there are men with roving eyes, so too, women with roving eyes.

Many a man single-mindedly and single- heartedly works day and night to provide for his wife and children.

There are men who, though they have the financial means to cheat, genuinely stay true to their marriage vows and actively reject opportunities to cheat.

There are unmarried men who constantly have to endure being spurned and scorned by women whom they court.

I have not yet mentioned women who, by reason of their unreasonable behaviour at home actively goad and taunt their husbands into cheating.


Your article is highly offensive and unreasonable. It seriously lacks objectivity and is unprofessional from a journalistic point of view. Please remember that children and teenagers read the article too and are easily led astray by your unfair, across-the-board accusations.


Of course men are pigs, my dear. They are programmed to sow as many wild oats as possible.

Don’t blame them just because it’s in their DNA.

I should know since I am male too.

Men and women are not supposed to be life long partners, in my opinion. In my observation during my 37 years, I have come to this enlightening conclusion.

They come together, breed and then should stay apart.

They really are from two different planets.


Ha ha, so funny about men being pigs. I was laughing and shared it with my mum too, and she read your article and agreed.

Just wanted to compliment you on a well written article. Simply love it!

Even if these men deny they are being pigs just like how they deny their affairs, it is a fact that they are born with roving eyes and when it comes to women,they are never rational.


Ms Soh’s piece is just so grating. I can’t believe her comment is both a veiled threat to her husband – poor chap – and a kowtow to her mum.

With a totally unnecessary dig at Tiger Woods’ looks (there is a reason why he is a billion dollar face, Ms Soh) and rounded off with a feminist afterthought that celebrates a woman’s ‘love’ for a man defined in dollar terms.

And really, if mum is always right, then why marry?


I agree that a philandering and lustful man who wanders off to women of inferior qualities is the type of character who does not know how to appreciate the time and energy a doting wife gives to her spouse in good times and in bad.

The pathetic man who discards his family to fulfil his lustful and self-centred deeds is considered to be despicable.


Not all men are pigs, and it is extremely rude and unpleasant to call men names. Can we call women bitches, sluts, crows if they commit adultery?

I understand the pain and misery that some women's husbands have caused, betraying their trust. Marriage is for life. Divorce should never be the case. Why? Because it will hurt children.

As for Tiger Woods committing adultery, why be so suprised? Nobody is perfect.

We just have to have some self-control, reflect on our actions daily. Couples should talk to each other, spend sufficient time no matter how stressful or tired they are.


It seems the writer might have some serious issues in her very own relationship. Her mother’s advice seems incomplete rather than sage standard as she put it.

Be aware of husband’s activities, she had advised the writer. So what happens when the husband does stray or is about to?

Don’t you think that watching your spouse’s every move proves that there is no trust in the marriage. This advice is more detrimental than beneficial to a marriage.

I seriously think the writer should seek immediate advice from marriage counselling centres. The article not only insulted men, including my dad, it insulted all women, including my wife and my mother.

The writer fails to see that in most of these affairs the women know that the men are married.. What does this say about these women? Why isn’t the writer quick to classify women under some animal, fruit or vegetable?


I am separated from my husband. My marriage lasted only one year and six months. We courted for about three years before deciding to tie the the knot in 2007.

He knew about betrayal in a marriage as his previous wife betrayed him twice.

What I did not expect was his betrayal to me as he was a good guy who doesn’t smoke, drink and gamble. He was always angry when guys he knew had roving eyes and he said guys who had affairs are pigs. (Well, he is one of them right now...)

Till this day, he will never admit to me that he was having an affair as no man will ever admit his mistakes. Men are pigs. Thanks to your columnist Joanne Soh for writing it.

This article was first published in The New Paper.

No comments: