Wednesday, May 6, 2009

In exile in the US

In exile in the US
6 May, 2009

He was accused and cleared of sexual harassment as well as criticised for comments made about Malaysian Indians while on a trip to the United States a couple of years ago.


Raja Petra Kamarudin

JJ to be ambassador to US

(The Malaysian Insider) — A former minister is set to be appointed Malaysia’s ambassador to the United States, a move which indicates that the Najib administration is looking to upgrade its relations with the Obama administration.

The appointment, which is being vetted by the US State Department, could also raise questions about Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s appetite to keep controversial individuals away from his administration.

Government sources told The Malaysian Insider that Datuk Seri Jamaludin Jarjis will enjoy the status of a minister in his new appointment.

A close friend of the PM, he was passed over for a Cabinet position because of concerns that he was carrying too much baggage.

He was accused and cleared of sexual harassment as well as criticised for comments made about Malaysian Indians while on a trip to the United States a couple of years ago. But all along there has been speculation that the MP for Rompin and former Science, Technology and Innovation Minister would be rewarded with a senior position in a government-linked company or as a special envoy of the government.

The reason being put forward for his nomination to be ambassador is that he has a "good network" in the US.

A former Second Finance Minister and Minister of Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs, he is best known for the country’s Angkasawan programme, a project which brought pride to the country but also raised questions on the wisdom of spending millions of ringgit on a project with no tangible benefits to the public.


Boss, Malaysia is sending us a new Ambassador.

Great. The last Ambassador, whatever his name is, was a great embarrassment. Imagine trying to bribe one of our citizens to make false allegations that he procured boys and girls for their Deputy Prime Minister, Anwar Ibrahim. Disgraceful!

Well, this one also tried bribing someone on behalf of his Deputy Prime Minister, who is now of course the Prime Minister.

You mean also to allege that he procured boys and girls for the Deputy Prime Minister?

No, this case is the other way around. They tried to bribe the guy to stop the allegations.

Sheesh, what’s wrong with that country? So, instead of sending him to jail, they send him here. They think this is Australia or what? We are not a convict colony you know.

The Malaysian press says he is being promoted because he is close to Najib. Actually, he is being exiled because Rosmah hates his guts.

I thought this guy is a ladies’ man. How come he can’t handle Rosmah?

It was actually because of a mistake he made. He told a joke about Rosmah and someone told her about it.

What was the joke?

Well, it goes like this: Recently, they held a competition to create a new slogan for Najib’s regime. The third prize was a trip to the US. The second prize was a cake. When the second-prize winner was called up to receive his prize he screamed, “The third prize winner gets a trip to the US and all I get is a bloody cake?” The soon-to-be Malaysian Ambassador replied, “But this is not just any cake. This cake was baked by Rosmah herself.” The second-prize winner then shouted, “Screw Rosmah,” and our wise guy replied, “Ah, but that is the first prize.”

Hahahahaha, that’s rich. Good joke.

Rosmah didn’t think so. So she is giving our man the third prize by sending him to the US.

Hahahahaha……..third prize….…trip to the US as the new Ambassador…….hahahahaha. How do you come up with these things? Okay, what is this new Ambassador famous for? We have got to prepare the media before he comes here.

You mean other than the bottom-pinching episode?

The media doesn’t care about that. I mean; the oval room of the White House has practically been turned into the oral room. You think they care about bottom pinching?

Okay, he sent a monkey into outer space.

What’s so great about that? We stopped sending monkeys into space a long time ago. We are now sending people.

No, I don’t mean a monkey, monkey. I mean this guy they sent into space was called a spaceman but was actually only hitching a ride. And they paid a hell of a lot of money for that ride. I was told the Russians were joking, behind his back of course, that he was a space monkey.

Still nothing great! We also take on passengers who are prepared to pay big bucks for the ride.

But he was the first Muslim, I think. That’s why they had to spend another few million just to organise a religious seminar to discuss how he prays in space.

You mean the flight was that bad he had to pray? I only pray when we fly into a storm.

No, it’s not that. You see, Muslims pray five times a day. They follow the times according to the sun. So they had to figure out how he does that.

And you need a multi-million dollar seminar for that?

Well, how do you do that in space when you are flying around the world maybe 100 or 200 times in 24 hours? Your five-times a day prayers will end up as 100 or 200 times a day.

Why did they have to pick a praying man to send into space? Would it not have been easier if they choose someone who does not pray?

Actually those who pray in Malaysia are not that many. But they need to do this sort of thing to give an impression that everyone prays. It’s sort of the Islamic thing to do.

I just can’t believe these people. So they sorted that out then. How many times did this guy have to pray? Five times a day or 200 times a day?

We don’t know. They never told us. But I don’t think he prayed after all. But there was an even more serious problem. There was one woman in that team of astronauts and the religious people were perturbed that a man squeezed in a small capsule with a woman would be considered close proximity and therefore a crime in Islam.

Oh boy, it gets even more interesting I see. So what did they do? Insist that the woman be dropped from the team?

No, they decided to select someone who sort of does not get too excited about women, if you know what I mean.

Hahahahaha, this Malaysia is really something. And the man behind all this is going to be their next Ambassador to our country?

Unfortunately so, Boss.

Woh! I can see interesting times ahead of us. Let me know when he arrives. I just can’t wait to meet him. Astronaut who prays 100 times a day but can’t get a hard-on when rubbing against women. Hahahahaha……what a country. You want to be our next Ambassador to Malaysia?

No way, Boss. I rather suffer root canal work.


The above dialogue never took place, and as Umno would say, is just a figment of the writer’s imagination.

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